U.S. Air Force Squawks

Often in marketing, we’re asked to make a message stick with as few words as possible. That’s why even though we have a boat in our trademark, we have to give a nod to the Air Force mechanics who authored these brilliant little quips (sorry, Navy).

Squawks are problem lists pilots leave for maintenance crews to fix before the next flight.Here are some actual maintenance complaints logged by those Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews.

(P = Problem, S = Solution)

(P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
(S) Almost replaced left inside main tire.

(P) Test flight okay, except autoland very rough.
(S) Autoland not installed on this aircraft.

(P) #2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
(S) #2 propeller seepage normal. #1, #3, and #4 propellers lack normal seepage.

(P) Something loose in cockpit.
(S) Something tightened in cockpit.

(P) DME volume unbelievable loud.
(S) Volume set to more believable level.

(P) Dead bugs on windshield.
(S) Live bugs on order.

(P) Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 300 fpm descent.
(S) Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

(P) IFF (Identification Friend or Foe) inoperative.
(S) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

(P) Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
(S) That’s what they’re there for.

(P) Number 3 engine missing.
(S) #3 engine found on right wing after brief search.

(P) Aircraft handles funny.
(S) Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

(P) Target Radar hums.
(S) Reprogrammed Target Radar with lyrics.